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If Only…

"I'm unsure if I'll send in my official entry kit."

I have a secret to confess. I'm a perfectionist. I'm not so bad that I expect everyone else to be perfect, too, but I do hold myself to a very high standard and in certain situations (this one!) I definitely sweat the small stuff. It's what's propelled me to my present rank and station within the Marine Corps, but it's also what's making me crazy with worry at this juncture! I can't stop worrying about the "after" photo. It seems that I'm full of questions and haven't any answers.

What should I wear? How do I prep? Do I pump-up before the shoot? Should I stop drinking water? And if so, when? Do I stop taking any supplements? Again, when and which ones? What kind of tan do I need? And how and where can I get it? Should I go to a tanning salon or try to get a spray-on? Do I need body oil? Where does that come from? What's it even called? The agony and uncertainty of it all is getting to me! I'm spending hours at night surfing the Internet for answers and studying the photographs of the past Champions.

It's obvious that I'm going to need to tan. Unfortunately, time isn't exactly on my side and I begin to "fake and bake" this week. I burn after the first session. After some more research I discover that a spray-on tan is an option and opt for that. I'd like to do two sessions, but am only able to schedule one on the day of my final photo.

Another realization hits me: I should probably shave my legs. Now, I'm not a hairy guy. I have blonde hair on my arms and upper body with approximately twelve hairs on my chest. My legs are a different story altogether. After two hours and six cuts on my Achilles tendons, knees and shins I have a whole new respect for Pam! I will never complain about stubble on her nearly always perfectly shaved legs again. I never envisioned shaving taking so long. I'm glad I didn't leave this for the night prior to the photos.

I order some posing oil from a bodybuilding Web site. It should arrive at the house in plenty of time. I also try on various colored shorts of different lengths and photograph myself. I'll definitely wear a dark pair of skin tight shorts. Pam and I agree that this shows off my physique better than baggier shorts do. I figure that finding them shouldn't be too hard.

I'm filled with a nervous confidence, but continually find myself having to push down the little voice telling me that I'm not ready or that I'm kidding myself to think I should even waste the money on the photo shoot. Physically, I'm feeling on top off the world, but I'm a bit of a head-case as far as my intentions to finish this. I have to actually put forth a conscious effort to not sabotage all these weeks of hard work. I wonder if I'm being a bit narcissistic or too prideful in my thoughts. In short, I'm unsure if I'll send in my official entry kit. I'm experiencing self-imposed pressure to "make-up" for lost time or workouts this week by doubling up cardio and weightlifting each day. It's a crazy back-andforth battle within me. I know I need to rest, but can't I "surge" for this last week? I don't do it, but I want to.

I want to be competitive. I want to achieve greatness. I want to be able to look myself in the mirror down the road and know that I gave my full and complete effort to this Challenge. Very soon I'll have the answer to my biggest question of all. In one week the Challenge portion of my lifetime journey to health will be complete, and soon after that I'll find out if my best was good enough. Did Mark Unger have what it took to be the next Champion? Or maybe this will all be a page in my short book of "If Only…" If only I had sent that entry kit in. If only…